What Men Can Do When
A Woman Has Been Through by Tremayne Moore
We
MEN need to understand this: When a woman is just coming out of something
that's traumatic, such as divorce, loss of a parent or child, a domestic
abusive relationship, etc., she's in a vulnerable state. If you love her, your
prayers have to be all about her: that entails her healing, her being whole in
areas she may know need healing or areas that she doesn't know need healing,
knowing that God is the Ultimate Healer. We as men need to stop rushing women into
a relationship especially if they have suffered in the present or in the past
(now I'm flowing from this point as He leads). Remember we as men are dealing
with a woman that God made (and if He created her, that means she's important
to Him).
If
she's going through or has gone through, we men must not push her, and
implement what the Bible says: let patience have her perfect work!
When
you meet a woman who's been through (past or present), she's vulnerable. If
you're a man, you have to ensure that you erase any doubts she may have when it
comes to relationships (especially if she wants to love again). Establish a
boundary to ensure she has time to heal (and encourage her to take time to
grieve and heal) so that you don't cause her to stumble because she is your
sister in Christ ... (yes, I'm flowing as He leads) and that God can deal with
your kinks (believe me, I know I have some). We as men need to understand this:
women are special and to see another man trample on a woman's emotions,
chastity, etc. should break our hearts. Women who have had bad marriages (where
men just abandon the relationship or where men just want the benefits and not
the commitment that comes with it) or have been in hostile relationships need
our prayers (especially if you have a heart for God and her well-being), our
understanding (she will need to vent, and we need to cover her with the Word
and not our agenda), and most of all time to heal! Boundaries must be respected
when a woman is healing, and if you love her, pray for her healing and that she
is whole on His agenda and not yours.
Sisters,
if you are coming out of a bad relationship (whether marriage or simply a
boyfriend/girlfriend relationship) and you meet a man who has qualities that
are pleasing to God and that you did not see in your spouse or the man you
thought was "the one," he should love you enough to set a boundary to
not only protect him, but to protect you along with your heart, feelings and
your relationship with God. It will only be natural to be attracted to him as
you see the fruits of the Spirit displayed in his character, but know this:
fruit is good but it must be picked at the right time (now that part right
there is for men too, cause we can find a good thing, but try to grab it in the
wrong season)! #SpeakHolySpirit
Back
to us MEN: if you believe that the woman you're praying for is the one (now let
me qualify that, you've consulted God and you have a relationship with Him),
then you need to be honest with yourself, and be sure you're praying for her
well-being, that she's whole even while you're just friends. Especially if the
friendship progresses, still make the focus on her (especially if she has scars
whether it be abusive, marriage, etc.), because scar tissue can become callous
and she may not know there's a wound underneath and it can damage a friendship
and possibly a relationship.
We
as men have to understand that if a woman has been battered, beaten, abused,
abandoned by her boyfriend or spouse, that we have to pray for her wholeness
and restoration in terms of who Christ made her to be and no damage comes as a
result of what the man (or men) in her past did to her.
You
see, if we men know a woman who's been through (emotionally abused, physically
abused, bad marriage), we need to pray for her wholeness and that God will heal
her everywhere she's hurting (physically, mentally, financially & spiritually).
This is what it means to cover a woman as the Bridegroom covers His bride #PreachingToMe
No
man should push a woman into a relationship when she is coming out of a
relationship that was plagued with abuse. Why? It’s because the wounds may not
be healed and they can fester in the new relationship.
Brothers,
if you know a woman who's been through (emotionally abused, physically abused,
bad marriage), you need to pray for her wholeness and that God will heal her
everywhere she's hurting (physically, mentally, financially & spiritually)
and in the places where she's vulnerable. This is what it means to cover a
woman as the Bridegroom covers His bride #PreachingToMe
While
I'm on that subject, God wants both husband & wife to be complete in Him,
whole & lacking nothing.
Now
if a man really loves a woman who's been battered, beaten, and suffered much
pain via marriages, relationships, rejection, he will pray for her that she be
complete in Him so when she thinks of her "exes," it won't be painful
(meaning, she can think about it or talk about it and it won't be painful). She
can move on and recognize that these men were nothing more than a demonic
spirit who was trying to seize the woman (like Shechem seizing Dinah, or the
serpent pushing Eve).
When
a man really loves a woman (or is interested in a woman) he will see facets in
a woman that are extremely desirable (not just sexually). The key is to let
patience have her perfect work. No man or woman should have anything lacking in
his or her relationship. A lot will be lacking and missed if a relationship is
rushed. So a man must check his prayers and to be sure pray for her wellbeing
(now that can work vice versa).
Special
note right here: When a woman has lost a parent, a spouse, a child, or the
father of the child abandons the woman & child, there's a sense of loss. If
you're a man of God and you have an interest in a woman in this situation, God
can use you to be the ointment of restoration (Hallelujah!), but you have to be
sensitive to the Holy Spirit, not rush her and allow her to move at her pace
without making her feel like she has to move faster because she might
"lose me."
#TheyThatWait Afterthought to what I
just said: Ladies: the minute a man says that you will "lose him,"
that's not a red flag, that's a black flag! A man will show that he loves you
when he is more than willing to wait on God's timetable and not be operating by
his hormones!
When
a man loves a woman and she's suffered a loss (such as a parent/child), or she
was in a relationship and the ex abandoned her, this man will implement
Proverbs 18:24 and be a friend that sticks closer than a brother. And he's going
to need discipline especially when her losses are very recent. Yes, she's a
strong woman, but there's pain even though she may not show it. And there are
doors that she may not want to open right now. And if the man really loves her,
he will continue to be patient with her and pray for her wholeness. Now when
she's ready to open the doors and the Lord has predestined for the two of them
to progress further, he, being a Godly friend, will be there to help her open
the doors if there is a relationship beyond friendship. Otherwise, there will
be things he'll never know because she's guarded (to avoid opening up to get
hurt).
Now,
what does it mean to be a true friend to someone you care for? Well, though
this works both ways, let me speak from the perspective of a man who really
cares for a woman. He must be very guarded and not move faster than he should.
His motives and actions have to be solely in what's best for her right at this
moment and that's a tall order. But a real man will rise to the occasion to
spiritually mature.
If
a friendship turns into a relationship, a man of faith will cease from making
the attention on what's best for her and will then make the attention on what's
best for them. Through this friendship, a woman should see the authentic man
for what he is versus a man who wants to take advantage of her (trust me a
woman doesn't need a Shechem in her life)!
When
a woman (who has been through) sees a true man, then she will able to truly
love & care for him without feeling vulnerable (and not subject to being
hurt). She will be willing to take the risk of loving him without restraint
(but he must prove it by his actions).
In
closing: If a man does what he knows is right when tending to a woman (refer to
the other 13 parts), the breakthrough will come and will happen quickly. He
just needs to be prepared. Meanwhile, he just needs to do the following
1.
Make his prayers all about her
2.
Continue to grow in his relationship with God (and let God deal with his
issues)
3.
Serve God with all of his heart
What
will happen as a result is this: folks will be like "where did he come
from?"
They
will ask because they won't understand the foundation he built, the depth of
his efforts, because when people burst out on the scene, it looks like they
were there all the time. But he was just implementing Galatians 6:9.
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